Saturday, 3 January 2009

Lines Composed on Using for the First Time an Electric Spaghetti Winding-Fork Received as a Christmas Present from my Dear Mama

O deprived, benighted British diners! Still fed up
With daily munching stodgy, samey stews?

With this life-changing gadget now on foreign pasta you will sup,
And banish those spaghetti-winding blues!

Yes! Come see! Our new, unique and patented device!
No more those filamentous strands, mechanically extruded

Will bedevil your attempts to eat alternatives to rice:
Indeed! Your search is ended! (NB Batteries not included.)

Buy now! And soon you’ll wonder how you ever lived without it!
Our customers as one agree that there is nothing finer:

It’s practical, hygienic, and, what's more – we’re proud to shout - it
Uses genuine materials: moulded plastics, made in China.

The instructions are quite simple: insert in bowl your fork
And switch the flick (marked X) so prongs (marked Y) will roundly go!

Now (ignore the flicking flecks of gravy) carefully adjust the torque,
And shove the contents in your mouth, and chew for an hour or so.

There’s never been a better time to join this latest craze!
From the Highlands and the Islands down to Walton-on-the-Naze

With their Electric Spaghetti Winding-forks, in a hundred different ways,
The sophisticated people eat Spaghetti Bolognese.

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